i suck at updating. sorry ive just been super exhuasted latly.

but i went to the dr today and im gonna be induced next friday oct 16 if i dont have him before than. =D

wish me luck

so i had to go to the hospital earlier
cause i was having irregular contractions.
they gave me a shot to stop them and sent me home.

everythings fine.
they just said im stressed and need to be eating better.

just wanted to update yall.

i give my all, but its never fucking good enough.

i put my all into us, everything!
and this is what i get out of it.


i swear ill NEVER love again
never trust again.

youll always have my heart.
and that you can keep
as a token that ill never be able to replace you.
and i never want to.




I FUCKING GIVE UP!
(but deep down thats the biggest lie.
ill never give up on us)


and i SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD ON EVERYONE I KNOW GOD OR WHATEVER BEING MAY HAVE POWER STRIKE ALL MY LOVED ONES DEAD THAT I NEVER CHEATED, NEVER LIED. LOYAL THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

all i want is to feel a liitle fucking apprecietted.

my mommy got a new car.
its nice. its a dodge durango. its a little bit bigger than i thought.
i liked the pacifica better, but she couldnt effort it.
but oh well its her car anyways
if shes happy im happy.

it has a dvd player in it too.
shes thinks its pointless.
but i told in about a year when we're on family vacation
shes not gonna think its dumb with brayden in the car. haha.

but im off tomorrow and shes letting me drive it around. yayy!
im also spending some much needed quality time with my jadaboobies tomorrow.
w00tw00t.
i miss her more than anything right now. and jessica cooke.
she needs to stop being so shady.
yeah i said it SHADYYY!!!! haha.

well im at work bored. not much else to say.
og yeah.
7weeks and 3 days till baby brayden gets here

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1. delilah
2. dee
3. baby

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOUVE HAD
1.heytheredelilahrose
2. delilahrose912
3. d.scandalous

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. stomach(before preganant belly)
2. hip boness (dont ask)
3. face

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DONT LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. hair
2. hands
3. stretch marks on my bootie

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. irish
2. italian
3. irish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. dark
2. being alone
3. apocalypse

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. phone
2. makeup
3. car

THREE THINGS YOUR WEARING RIGHT NOW
1.dress
2. jacket
3.underwear

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS
1. def leppard
2. chiodos
3. a day to remember

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS
1. i have to many.
2.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP
1. fuck if i know, im pretty content with my relationship.
2.
3.

TWO TRUTHS &LIE
1. im in love
2. im pregnant
3. im getting over him

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. ughh. idk.
2.
3.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1. volleyball
2. poetry
3. drinking

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALL BADLY
1. have this baby soon. haha.
2.  hangout with friends i havent hungout with in a long time
3. get a place of our own

THREE CAREERS YOUR CONSIDERING
1.nurse
2. writer
3. model

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1.cancun
2. sheffield
3. california

THREE KIDS NAMES
1. brayden
2. kenleigh
3. jude

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. i dotn want to die
2.
3.

so everythings been going great with me.
im getting super anxious about brayden getting here.
i cant wait to see what he looks like and how hes gonna act.
just everything about him.

the baby room is pretty much completly done.
and look amazing. =D i really need to get some pictures up.

i promise ill get to that soon.
how has everyone else in the lj world been?

the baby shower went good.
got alot of shit. but theres still alot of things i still think i need.
but it was really nice to see everyone.
and even some people i didnt expect to show, made me uber uber happy.

but ryans finally back at staying at the house a few nights a week.
im currently 31 weeks. last week of my 7th month.
only 9 weeks till baby brayden is here.
ahhhhhhh!!!
scary sounding right.

me and ryan have decided we are so under prepared
but then again is anyone ever really prepared for having a baby
HELLL NOOO!
so as long as we got each other our family and friends were doing good.

ill post some pics up of the baby shower and all the stuff eventually.
oh yeah and i got a dr appt thursday.
hopefully they are gonna do another sonogram and let me know how much he weighs and shit.

its storming pretty bad
and im at work by a huge glass window


i just wanna go home and sleep all day tomorrow.
storms make me extremely sleepy.
yawwwnnnnnnn


baby shower sunday
if you wanna come but dont have the info let me know
the more the merrier. =D

yes i stole this. they know who they are.
but i couldn't resist myself because when i read this, its completly sums up what iven been trying to put into words about a certain relationship of mine for a very long time. and its absolutly ridiculous how exact this is. it really gives me the creeps. but here it is;


Drinking doesn't taste nearly as good in a plastic bottle, love. And you of all people know that.

Why do we insist on doing this to eachother? You exist. I exist. Neither of us acknowledge it. It's become a sick game, of the cold shoulder. The stink eye. The silent treatment. You and I both know we enjoy the rush we get from what we do. We could fool the world, but when it's just me and you, we can show this world how to love.
Memories. They're all I have to hold on to when I get the urge to drive to your house, even when I know it won't matter if I'm there or not. When I feel like calling to just to make sure you're still alive and you haven't done all these terrible things that run through my mind before I got to sleep each night. When I see your t-shirt in my hamper. Good memories.
Those good things are over. We have no choice but to move on, even though we still feel the spark.

I will never forget sneaking away from the party, so much as to where the floors didn't even creak. We giggled all the way to your little heaven of a bedroom. Closed the door so quietly and shut off the lights. It wasn't so much love as it was a war we were trying so hard to end. We tried so hard. We layed there and talked for what seemed like hours, in the dim light from the moon shining through your windows. We spoke so sweetly to eachother, never expecting what came to us. When the silences came along, I never heard the party going on in the background, I heard your heartbeat. And I knew you were real. And I loved you.
We crawled out of bed, got dressed and walked out like nothing happend. It was back to the arguing, fighting, complaining, and continuing our war.
Although things are different now. I feel differently about you. I am no longer the naive girl who felt love that wasn't given back. I am strong, I have learned so much. You have no idea what I learned about respect, love and kindness from you. Thanks. I made up a fairytale of how I wish It was, rather than how it actually was. I am forever seeking a love that will never be duplicated, because it wasn't real. My perception of relationships is all screwed up. Thank you, again.

i never want another night like last night.
it was horrible.
ryan almost walked out on me, liek seriously
he almost broke up with me,
and we're still on the edge, i dont know what gotten into him latly.
his drinking has got really bad.
and after the whole having to go pick him up from the police i though it had really changed him.
but last night yet again he was drunk, and this morning we got into a huge arguement
over the dumbest shit. and he just walked out the house and wouldnt talk to me for the longest time.
i know all this is stressful and super scary to both of us.
but i cant do this without him, hes the only thing that give me hope that i can do this.
even at his worst.
i really wish he could find a job, then we wouldnt have to be living at my parents house
but theres no way i can afford rent and the fact that i currently have no car,
im kinda stuck here until he gets a job or a get a car, something.
i wish my cousin dallas lived in brunswick, then we could all get a place together,
or there was someone out there that was willing to go half on the rent with me,
and deal with 3 am 5 am 7am screaming baby.
you know what i mean.

Meredith posted this the other day.

"Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? if so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back."


and all i understand where shes coming from but in a different way.
what if that person was still living breathing and you saw that person
but still you cant talk to them, you cant express all the thing you want,
its like the fucking great wall of china between you and nothing anyone can do will tear it down
its so fucking miserable.

the crib is pretty much complete
all thats left to build is the hamper and underneath storage thingy
but heres the picture of it with bedding and all.

( Brayden's Crib!! )

im so excited.
i cant wait to bring my little boy home now. =D

ohh gawdd, thats a hard one. i love all kinds of sweets.
but my most favorite is prolly the chocolate cake thing they have at ruby tuesdays
with like the chocolate fudge gewwy stuff in the middle with the rasberry  sauce stuff.
its ohh so yummy.

BUT NOTHING BEATS HOMEADE ICECREAM!!!!!!!

my parents are putting together the crib as we speak.
and its quite hilarious. they are horrible at working together.
its cute though. cause they both always think they are right.
hahaha,

but i bought the bedding for the crib today too.
and im really excited its so cute.
its blue and brown with stars.
so i guess the theme for the room and all is like stars and space.
but not really space, just like the night sky and stars. no planets.

we're gonna paint the ceiling possibly a dark blue
and we have these really neat peal and stick stars that glow in the dark
SUPER CUTE!

we got all the babyshower decoration and what not underway
im really really excited about the baby shower.

its august 16 at blythe island rec 2pm
for anyone who wants to come
you are more than welcome.
im registered online and in stores at
target, jcpenny and
punkbabyclothes.net

me and baby brayden would love you forever if you got of something =D

i wish there was a delete person for people in your life.

i really think me and ryry would have better relationship if i could just delete someone completly from my mind.



it honestly kills me.

for those for actually care.

yes i did get into a car crash thursday.
i hit the back of some guy who im pretty sure had no break lights.
or else i wouldnt have hit him. obviously.

but first off, im ok and so is the baby.
im still pretty sore especially my arms and back.
but thanks god the baby is perfectly fine.
hes actually kicking and ranting about right now. =D

but as for my car, were still waiting to hear from the insurance company.
but i didnt crank and the front was pretty messed up.
the other guys car had a minor scratch on the back.
which is pretty fucking gay.
but maybe ill get a new car out of it.
i mean ill have to make like monthly payments, but at least get enough back from the insurance compant to get a solid down payment.

but just letting everyone know
that i no longer have a car,
my parents are having to take me to work and shit for the time being
so if you wanna hangout, its gonna be pretty impossible for awhile.
unless of course you have a car.

but the most important thing is that me and baby brayden are both ok.
thank god.

grill cheese in bed with my babydaddy.
are the best!!

i got my first paycheck yesterday. $332.02
and i opened up a bank account =D

i feel so accomplished.


im also done with the baby shower invitations.
now i just have to send them all out.
its getting to be august way to soon.
only 2 more weeks. but whatever i get payed in two weeks.
and im gonna get the crib =D

me and mom have decided to go halfs on it.
so im straight with that.

go old school for awhile.
like prince and queen.
kc and the sunshine band,

ive been listening to old school music alot latly
mostly rock and country but i dont know
it just makes me feel really good.


my to current favorite songsare
flat bottemed girl by queen
and watermelon crawl i have no idea who sings it and why i like it
i guess cause it just makes me smile. haha.